Why aren't we (better) friends?
The reason I ask is because I find there are lots of people I consider my friends but they seem more "Hey how ya doin? How's your family?" kind of friends instead of "Hey let's go do something." kind of friends. GOOD, CLOSE friends.
It's been like this since before High School. And I just want to know why.
I know I'm not the coolest person around. And I know I have faults! But even weird, talkitive, over-sarcastic, etc., etc. people have good friends.
I'm NOT looking for pitty/sympathy. This is NOT meant to be a 'oh, poor me!' thing. I REALLY want to know what it is about me that has made me not have any SOLID friends.
So if you would, anonymously if you'd like, (or email me) what is the big turn off when it comes to me. :)
Why aren't we (better) friends?
I want you to answer that question HONESTLY but kindly, please. :)
13 comments:
I think the reason you and I aren't necessarily close friends are that you are closer to my sister's age rather than mine but I don't think that anything is wrong with you maybe just people don't take the chance to get to know you well.
I love hanging out with you! But sometimes our schedules just don't mesh, like our kids get up at 7(sometimes 6 if they really hate me that day), we eat dinner at 5 or 6 and they go to bed at 8(7:30 when school starts) and so I guess its just hard to really do much because your little guys are on a different schedule. But I love your talkative, sarcastic self!! I think the ward is just very splintered right now too with everyone in their own little group, not really wanting to branch out of it. It bugs me too, I wish more people would make more of an effort to get to know others outside of their click.
Wow, sister. You are SO brave. I've wanted to ask this question sometimes myself.
I think one of the answers is like Jill said -- married people with children just don't "hey let's go do something" like we all used to when we were young and single. You really have to work hard to spend time with other grownups. Time for dinner parties?
I have more input, but not for a public forum. Call me anytime, hon. *HUG* I'm glad we're friends! LOVE YOU!!!
Um, because I am in DC and you are not! I pretty much consider you one of the most thoughtful, amazing friends I have. But I don't think that good friends necessary means the people you see or talk to all the time. When I think of some of my best friends, many of them I haven't even talked to in weeks or months, but I know that I could call them for help anytime and they would be there.
So, I guess the answer here is that while I consider you a great friend, life is just busy and you live far away. But what makes us great friends is that we could be on the phone today and it would still feel the same. At least I like to think so. (And, by the way, I would NOT be opposed to a catch-up phone convo one of these days.) Love you kt!
I love reading your weekly blog updates and I only wish that when I lived in Queen Creek I had taken the time to actually get to know you better. I am not a great friend that keeps in contact with many people after I move and for that I am sorry. I hope I wasn't rude when you saw me at Kristi's awhile ago. I was not meaning to be, I just can't hide my feelings when my kids are driving me crazy and so many times I come off looking mean and rude. I hope you find answers, but know from what I have or had gotten to know about you I think we could have become friends.
What Jill said. It's mostly schedule stuff I think. Even though we have couple friends who we'd love to spend time with, we only get together once or twice a year.
Kids basically ruin your social life.
That's why you marry your best friend: sometimes it feels like he's your ONLY friend!
I have the same problem. Every once in a while I finally find someone I seriously click with who feels like a sister to me and then when I move I can never sustain the relationship. As for me and you specifically, I'm going to play the "it's not you it's me" card. When we lived there I was in school and I just didn't allow much friendship making time in my little self centered life. So I'm not going to be much help. I hope you find answers that lead to having closer friends because life IS much better with some!!
I wonder this myself sometimes, but the reality of it is that we're all in different places at this point of our lives. I have friends I know will ALWAYS be my friends even though we don't "hangout" on a regular basis. We keep in touch over the phone, email, or online.
My life revolves around my kids and my home and the work I do at home. There's always "Girls Night Out", but even that is lower on my list of priorities than going out with just my husband, or out as a family. And even though they are generally an "everyone's invited" kind of thing, you know there are tons of girls that wish they could participate but they don't think they are truly among friends. Girls are weird. And- I'm BUSY! :)
I will also add, that there are a lot of (dumb) factors that could prevent one person from being "friends" with someone else- especially moms. What do you have in common-how many kids do you have? are they in school? do you work? are you a member of a particular club? (gym, PTO, craft group) how do you discipline your children, keep house, and behave in public?
Here's a sad example- We were newlywed and in a brand new ward and I didn't make ANY true friends until I had my first kid. Women at church would talk right past me if they were each holding a child on their lap and I wasn't. At least until I was noticeably pregnant. So what did I do about it? once I had my first kid, I made sure I was at the park when the other moms were, and I became friends with those who had children the same age. I signed up for service opportunities and made sure people knew I genuinely cared about them. Some of the women I initially took dinner to are now some of my closest friends. You have to be willing to put yourself out there.
I think it's because you and Mainer decided to up and move to AZ when you should have come to SLC. if you were here we would totally be hanging out, I love you guys!!!!!!
I just wanted you to know that I do read and enjoy your blog. I have often wondered this about myself, but have never even been brave enough to think about asking it. I'm impressed! I think as far as why the two of us aren't friends, when we did live close (feet away), there was the age difference (not that it's much), but now I would love to do stuff but there's the actual distance issue. So, I guess, when we were close, I didn't try and now it's not very feasible. I hope you're having fun at Disney World! I am very much jealous!
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